Quadrennials

Olympic selection years always depress me. I listen to who made the team and I feel like dieing a little. It's probably for the best, though. I feel like I am useless. I deserve to be working in a grocery store- I can't make any of my dreams happen. No matter how hard you work, it really comes down to whether or not you have the guts to actually reach out and take what you want. I didn't.

I'm scared to go back and really start fencing again. I remember all the frustration and anger that I felt. I remember how terrible I felt after a competition. Most of all I remember how terrible of a person I could be. I don't want to lose myself like that.

I don't know how I should feel. I know that I feel like I've wasted time. That people were right about me- it /was/ a huge waste of time to teach me how to fence... especially knowing now that I'd just quit and whine about how "good" I used to be.

I'm afraid of failure... failing again, at any rate.


Olympic selection years always depress me...